


Four Times Jack and Daniel (Think They) Didn't Out Themselves, and One Time They Did

by kuonji



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Established Relationship, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-31
Updated: 2012-03-31
Packaged: 2017-11-02 19:22:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/372482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuonji/pseuds/kuonji
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four conversations in which Jack and Daniel watch what they say, but forget to watch what they show. Followed by one where nobody cares anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Four Times Jack and Daniel (Think They) Didn't Out Themselves, and One Time They Did

**Author's Note:**

> Alternative Links:  
> <http://kuonji14.livejournal.com/9934.html>

"Daniel Jackson. Doctor of Archaeology, etc. etc. etc."

"And what's your birthday?"

"July 8th. Is this really necessary?"

"It's procedure, Daniel. You could--"

"I _don't_ have a concussion. Where's Teal'c? You should be looking after him. He fell off a _cliff_."

Janet kept her professional persona strictly in place. She was used to facing the stressed gate teams' wounded.

"He's fine," she answered gently. "He's resting now. You were out for a long time. Could you tell me what the date is?"

"2000. End of May, last I checked. Can I--?"

"No. Address?"

Daniel huffed, but obediently rattled off a string of numbers. He then choked himself off, coughed, and started over with the correct sequence.

Janet might not have thought too much of the lapse, except that she'd just come from doing the same check on Colonel Jack O'Neill, and his address was still fresh in her mind.

She didn't say anything, though, only, "Very good. A couple more hours of observation and I think you'll be good to go. By the way, don't forget that SG-1's bi-monthly physicals are tomorrow."

She smiled at the melodramatic groan and secretly wondered if she'd find anything... extra the next day.

***

"Ohhhh, that's good."

"I told you, didn't I?"

"Then, mmmmm, then you shouldn't be the one complaining. Oh, yeah, more. Now."

"Will you keep it down? Someone might--"

"No one's going to catch us. Hell, you think I'd want to share?"

"Jack...!"

Teal'c edged hesitantly into view, not precisely sure what he would find around the curtain. His eyes widened and his nostrils flared when he did see.

"Shit!"

"Teal'c?! What the hell are-- It's the middle of the night! Do none of you have lives?"

Teal'c strode forward, ignoring their pitiful attempts to fling the bedding over a suspicious lump. He held out one hand. "If I may also partake of Daniel Jackson's raisin snickerdoodles, then I shall tell no one of O'Neill eating foods strictly against Doctor Frasier's instructions."

The two men mock-grumbled as they uncovered the bag and ungraciously accepted the 'deal'. Teal'c felt no guilt. Daniel Jackson's snickerdoodles were as infrequently seen and as jealously guarded within SG-1 as Major Carter's cookies.

Teal'c took a half a dozen snickerdoodles and nodded his head when he caught sight of Doctor Frasier glowering just outside. In his head, he thought about such diverting Earth sayings as 'Fat in the fire', 'How the cookie crumbles', and 'The way to a man's heart...'

***

"Thanks for the ride, Sam."

"Hey, it's all on the way. A cookout at the Colonel's is incentive enough. Though I thought it was going to be a bigger thing...?"

"Oh, please. Don't even. Jack's pissed off enough as it is that he had to head out early."

"Yeah, why is that?"

"I forgot to pick up the lubricant last night. If he didn't get it today, we wouldn't be able to do _anything_ this weekend."

The car fell silent, and Daniel blinked his big blues at all of them -- Sam, Teal'c, Janet -- as his words sank into his brain and turned his face bright red.

"From the auto shop!" he elaborated hastily. "Lubricant for my _car_. It was making these noises whenever I-- You were there!" he said, evidently talking to Sam, but she was too busy leaning over the steering wheel, laughing, and trying to drive at the same time. "You heard Jack. He said all I needed was some lubricant and--"

"We believe you, Daniel!" Sam assured him, as the car behind her at the stop light blasted its horn at her. She couldn't help it. The look on Daniel's face--!

She wondered, though, if Daniel realized that everything the Colonel knew about cars, he'd learned from his ex-wife. Sam had found out by chance last year (or thirty years ago), when the two of them had had to keep a dilapidated bus running cross-country.

She remembered his hands, grease filling in the strong gritty lines and making his close-cut fingernails shine. He'd picked up a rag to clean those hands, and in that unguarded moment while both of them, tired in the dying light, had been focused on that activity, he'd said, "I haven't worked on cars since Sara and I split. Just didn't seem the same without her."

***

"Colonel! Daniel! Over here!"

"Ah, Madam Napolean..."

"Very funny, Colonel."

"Sam! Hi, everyone!"

"O'Neill. Greetings, Daniel Jackson."

"Uncle Jack!"

"Bambinos! C'mere. Hey, you both know Daniel, right?"

"Sure! He's your archaeologist."

"Yup, best there is. But don't tell him that. Don't want his head exploding."

"Hey!"

"Uncle Jack!"

"Yeah, kiddo?"

"Are you and Daniel married?"

George hurried toward the group to head off the awkward silence, even as he grinned at the boys' shell-shocked expressions. The (exaggerated and carefully declassified) stories Jack liked to regale George's granddaughters with did tend to feature 'his' archaeologist quite a bit, but George was sure he'd never imagined a response like this.

Dr. Jackson recovered first, getting down on one knee to address Kayla eye to eye. "Ah, no. Jack and I are just friends. Good friends. Being married is for mommies and daddies."

Tessa, two and a half years older, snorted with a worldly air. "Mrs. Cline says that any two people who love each other can get married."

Kayla nodded emphatically, obviously having already absorbed this information from her older sister and taken it very much to heart.

"Sweetheart, that's absolutely true," George cut in, sparing his flagship team members from having to field that. "However," he cautioned, crouching down between the smiling girls, "you shouldn't say things like that. It's not polite."

"Why not?" Tessa wanted to know.

"Well, what if I asked you, out of the blue, 'Tessa, darling, are you and Frank Justin married?'"

"Ewww, _Grandpa_!"

Tuning out the girls' dramatized disgust for Tessa's bugger-eating classmate, George straightened to properly welcome their guests. "Come in, you two, and make yourselves comfortable. You're just in time. We're just getting started."

Daniel waved for a greeting. Jack nodded. "Evening, General."

Jack's expression was now friendly, obviously anticipating the get-together. George wondered if he even realized how briefly but furiously angry he'd looked when Daniel had explained to the girls that marriage was only 'for mommies and daddies'.

It wasn't something that George was prepared to inquire into, however. All he wanted today was to see his family -- SG-1 included -- tucking into Mary's prize-winning potato salad and the best fried chicken this side of the border.

***

They spilled through the gate ninety-six hours late, grimy, obviously exhausted, with Daniel bleeding from a fresh head wound even as he supported a stumbling Jack down the ramp.

Dr. Frasier rushed forward only a second behind the rest of SG-1, General Hammond a few steps behind. Daniel searched out their faces with what looked like relief.

Jack looked over them with what looked like deep amusement.

"They drugged him," Daniel explained, as Jack broke out into hiccupping giggles. "So far, it seems mostly harmless. I think."

"Daniel!" Jack grinned as he leaned all of his weight on the other man. "Don't be such a stranger." He batted Teal'c's hands away when the bigger man tried to pull him away.

"Your head?" Sam asked, crowding Janet as the smaller woman helped Daniel in a controlled collapse to the ramp floor.

"I, um, I ran into a low overhang on the way out. Dark. Couldn't see." He waved at his face, evidently indicating his lack of glasses.

"We'll get you an extra pair, son," Hammond assured him. He turned to signal for the defense team to stand down, allowing Janet's team to come forward.

Jack tilted sideways, landing in Daniel's lap, which only made him giggle harder. "Danny!" he said, in a sing-song voice. "Are you happy to see me?" He contorted his face into an exaggerated leer and pawed in a disoriented manner for Daniel's crotch. "I bet I can _make_ you happy."

"For god's sake, Jack!" Daniel exploded. "I told you, not now! I have a freakin' _migraine_."

Janet froze in the middle of bandaging his head.

Sam, standing to make room for the gurneys, sat down on one instead, her mouth covered with one hand.

Teal'c's face was perfectly bland, but Jack's confused (and _loud_ ) "Wassamatta?" and Daniel's frantic shushing motions made up for the lack of emotion in that corner.

George sat down on the ramp, very slow. He shook his head, and deep chuckles rolled out of him, gradually infecting the rest of the gate room, filling the space with the sounds of dozens of relieved, sleep deprived, celebrating men and women.

"Welcome home, boys. Welcome home."

  
END.  
 

  


**Author's Note:**

> This story was remixed in the Gateverse Remix 2008 by [kellifer_fic](http://kellifer-fic.livejournal.com/profile): [Something Borrowed (The Something Blue Remix)](http://community.livejournal.com/gateverse_remix/20699.html)
> 
> The first part drew some inspiration from a part of [Scion](http://jd-divas.com/kalimyre/scion.shtml) by Kalimyre, in which Jack and Daniel discuss whose address to write for Daniel's adopted son, as well as [In Threes](http://nandamai.net/fic/?p=79) by Nanda, in which Sam takes a tumbles down a hill and suffers a concussion.  The snickerdoodles drew inspiration from a comment by Peter Deluise in the DVD commentary for Absolute Power (I think), where he says it would be cool if one of them turned out to be a great cook. :)
> 
> * * *
> 
> If you enjoyed this story, you might try these:  
>      [Immemorial](http://kuonji14.livejournal.com/17365.html) (Stargate SG-1), by kuonji  
>      [Identity, or The Many Uses of Coffee](http://kuonji14.livejournal.com/13491.html) (Stargate SG-1), by kuonji  
>      [Something Borrowed (The Something Blue Remix)](http://community.livejournal.com/gateverse_remix/20699.html) (Stargate SG-1), by kellifer_fic  
> 


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